For the final part of their Artist of the Week, Sam Sky, frontman of Vicious, wrote a reflection piece. Check it out below!
My Anarchist Cookbook
Hello! My name is Sam Skfrontmanman of “Vicious.” I’ve never written a blog spot before, but I thought we’d do something a little different than what the “normal” spot might look like. Hopefully, something you’ll find thoughtful. They told me this was a reflection piece, so that’s what I’m going to do, reflect.
Have you ever had a skeleton in your closet you weren’t proud of, or maybe the correct question is, have you ever done something you WERE proud of at the time but later regretted? Lately, I feel like I’ve been second guessing what I’ve been writing and what the message of the music is that I portray, and will it come back to haunt me like it did to William Powell?
For those of you that don’t know, William Powell wrote possibly one of the most infamous books in the past 100 years, known as “The Anarchist Cook Book,” a DIY take on staging your own bloody revolution; complete with diagrams and directions on how to make all sorts of explosives and boobie traps.
When Powell concocted the book, he was a young, passionate, even angry youth in the middle of a torn country, and un-wanted Vietnam War. Fast-forward to 2017, now in his mid 60’s, Powell has been haunted relentlessly by his decision to create such a book and have it published. To make a long story short, many bombings and acts of terror internationally over the past 50 years have had an alleged connection to the book. Almost all the actors in these attacks were in possession of that book he created. In parallel, is that what “Vicious.” will be to me? Will my angry words of passion, anger, hurt and frustration come back to haunt me?
If you would have asked me four years ago if I would ever give a flying fuck about anything of the sort, I would have probably just laughed in your face and said something really cocky and flippant in response. However, these days I react a little differently. Having a beautiful, innocent, and amazing two-year-old daughter will change your perspective on a few things.
What will she think of my display of anger and copious curse words flying out of my mouth? How will I explain this to a child and justify it? Can I be a role model to her? A Good father like my father was for me?
Every coin has two sides though, as it were. Tale as old as time, I grew up in a very Christian household, both my parents were, and are still together; We were as “normal” a family as you could imagine. One unintended consequence was that in that kind of environment is that sometimes it hard to feel like its ok to be human; sometimes you feel like you can’t be yourself, or you’re not good enough. There was this Constant pressure to be this perfect person that you are not. Now I’m not delusional about my upbringing, have zero millennial cry baby issues over “how hard my life is or was,” and hold ZERO contempt for my amazing mother and father, they loved me and always did the best they could do for me. I’ve learned you can finally really move forward in a relationship with your parents as soon as you accept them for not only who they are, but what they’re NOT.
On that token, my father and I have virtually nothing in common whatsoever. He is a sports guy, I wouldn’t be caught dead at any sporting event, he is tone def, I’m a singer, the only music he listened to growing up was gospel and praise music, all the while I was rocking The Offspring and The Descendants as loud as I could. The only thing he ever asked me about was “where are you spiritually,” or “I’m worried about your eternal standing…” etc etc etc. I was being suffocated by all this interrogation and all the while dying for an earthly REAL relationship with my father, when he was eternally (pun intended) set on having a heavenly one instead.
So here I stand at this cross road. On one hand, what I’m doing is honest and true to where I’m at emotionally and artistically, all the while not trying please anyone by being what I am not. However, on the other hand, what will that bring me in the future? What will I think of me 50 years later being so candid about my demons and struggles? And what will my daughter think? Only time will tell.
In the end, I know one thing for sure though, I took a stand as a man, no, as an individual a part of what my father and mother wanted me to be, or say, or do; fully knowing it would be disappointing to them. That’s a big moment in anyone’s life to accept no matter what age you are; yet they still love me just as much. Lastly, if anything, I hope my daughter looks back and sees a human, a father, struggling his way through life just like anyone else. I hope she accepts me for who I am, but also what I’m not; and somehow sees me as a role model for being honest with who I am and the human condition, speaking out against those who oppose reason in my social and political commentary, all the while trying to be better tomorrow than who I am today. Only time will tell if Vicious. will be my “Anarchist Cook Book.” I hope there is at least a single shred of insight to this for someone that reads this, and here’s to the future.